I got finals coming up next week, and I’m starting to try to figure out my schedule for next semester. When I’m stressed or feel a bit overloaded, I like to watch a couple of TV shows that are going to make me laugh and forget about the mood I’m in. In the spirit of stressed college students everywhere, I channeled my negative energy into something good. I made a list of funny tv character quotes that have made me laugh so hard, there were tears in my eyes. I tried to keep the list PG-13, so not all of my favorites made the cut. I recommend that if any of these quotes make you laugh, you check out the show that the quote came from.
“I don’t give a flying fuck if you do have cancer, put your tits away in front of my kid.”
Mary-Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin in Weeds
—Nancy Botwin, Weeds (Showtime)
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“You’re not going to Annie’s party?”
” I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.”
Joel McHale & Gillian Jacobs as Jeff & Britta in Community
—Brita & Jeff, Community (NBC)
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“When I’m done eating a Mulligan’s meal, for weeks afterwards, there are flecks of meat in my mustache. And I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.”
Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson in Parks and Recreation
–Ron, Parks and Recreation (NBC)
“Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts.”
Tracy Morgan as Tracy Jordan in 30 Rock
—Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock (NBC)
” What exactly does that expression mean, ‘friends with benefits?’ Does he provide her with health insurance?”
Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory
—Sheldon, Big Bang Theory (CBS)
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“Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.”
Steve Carell as Michael Scott in The Office
–Michael Scott, The Office (NBC)
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“I’ve been here since 1st period. I have a cold, I took my antibiotics at the same time, and now I can’t remember how to leave.”
Heather Morris as Brittany from Glee
—Brittany, Glee (Fox)
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“Luke, I am your father. That’s what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom’s lady parts.”
Ty Burrell as Phil from Modern Family
–Phil to his son Luke, Modern Family (ABC)
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“There’s only one thing young ladies should be inserting in themselves …and that’s knowledge.”
Robert Sheehan as Nathan from Misfits
–Nathan, Misfits (E4)
“Can somebody call me an ambulance? Because I’m in trouble. Time is moving really, really slowly, and everything is flat. I need you to call me an ambulance, or failing that, my mummy. I really want my mummy because, and I’m not being dramatic, but I think I might be dead. Is that clear? Mummy or ambulance.”
Simon Bird as Will McKenzie in The Inbetweeners
—Will, The Inbetweeners (E4)
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